Bent, not straight--part two

We all know the difference between the rub one out on the other's body get my rocks off kind of sex. And real sex. The boundary-breaking, ego-extinguishing sort of intimacy that depends on and creates utter trust, utter abandonment and utter obliteration. That is the model for intersubjective equality. For the collapse of the liberal democratic family-bound self into the smudged body of interdependence, interaction and interpenetration. There we don't end with our bodies. We share our bodies. Feminist writers like Catherine Waldby and Lynne Segal talk about this self-dissolving intimacy and its political impact on the relations between the sexes.

But bending heterosexuality doesn't start and end with sex. This intimacy needs to be developed and extended to undermine and overthrow hetero-norms. On a personal--and collective level.

On a personal level, bending gender and gender bending need to involve openness and experimentation. Our sex and gender have been written onto and into us; and we need to change the font, alter the word order, strike some words out, replace others and rewrite some whole sentences hither and thither and yon. But there's no absolutes here and no simple program. Overcoming sex and gender means more than just switching things up: backwards to forwards, upside down to rightside up, ass to mouth...Androgyny can be gender bending but it can also reinforce and conserve the norm, for example.

Deconstructing our gendered self doesn't mean making the feminine the new black. The word of the day for body re/making is bricolage: take a bit of the masculine and the feminine, stir it up, rip it up and cut and paste it. Traditional masculine traits like self-confidence are valuable but:

1. They are not inherently masculine; and
2. They inhibit other practices like vulnerability or intimacy, etc.

Traditional feminine traits like emotional expressiveness are equally valuable but:

1. They are not inherently feminine; and
2. They inhibit other practices like assertiveness, etc.

So, we need to make sure when we bend that we don't end up simply reversing roles in a way that actually reinforces gender stereotypes--or that works against the needs of the moment: choosing vulnerabilty when stoicism would be a better tactic, for example.

We also need to remember that appearances matter. If gender isn't real and fixed, then the whole notion of identity as a found object dissipates. De-essentializing and decentring identities gives body play, style and appearances more meaning than they usually get in politics and culture. Piercings, androgynous or elaborate haircuts and unusual and striking clothes can all contribute to bending gender and sexuality. In a chapter titled 'Visibly Queer' in her book In the Flesh: The Cultural Politics of Body Modification, Victoria Pitts makes exactly this point: different bodies challenge the conformist image of the 'right' type of body and all the political, cultural and moral assumptions that go with it.

If there is no essential depth, then the surface is the realm of significance and signification. Our symbols and role-playing become deconstructing signs that undermine norms about the male and femal body, behavior and sexuality. The boi wearing a corset and deadfalls is not just making a statement but radically challenging the 'idea' of what makes a man in our society. And if that same boi dances in an ambiguous or flagrantly feminine fashion with the purpose of attracting the female gaze, it can further subvert traditional roles. But if he is simply objectified in a plain vanilla role reversal, then it only reinforces oppressive patterns of power. In this situation, the problem is acting like a man regardless of your sex. To keep the radical potential of style, appearance and performance, the actor can't become an object but must remain an active performer.

And the performance is collaborative. As Nikki Sullivan,Victoria Pitts and others have pointed out, body re/making is not a solo act. I am not alone when I identify myself. Others also identify me and share my performance, so another feature of bending is recognizing the signifying role of other people and reacting to it with sensitivity and respect.

For example, women don't like getting propositioned in elevators. You might think it's spontaneous and harmless. They don't. Something about being alone in a enclosed space with a strange man makes women nervous. Are you really surprised? Whatever you meant by it, that message is not being passed on. You don't control the meaning of your actions by yourself. Others help. So pay attention.

And bend away this weekend. Bend sinister. Bend and sway, children of the night.