the queen of diamonds

Liza Windsor is currently celebrating her diamond jubilee which is, unsurprisingly, based upon austerity and class oppression for the rest of us. Liza is the time-serving mediocrity better known by her pompous title: Queen Elizabeth the Second of too many places to really take seriously. She is still the Defender of the Faith in some!!! Unfortunately, one of those places includes my country, Canada. So the Queen of Canada lives in London, Great Britain. And she has ruled Canada for 60 years as our constitutional monarch and head of state.

All I can say is--it's the 21st century. Why the fuck do we still put up with this anachronistic shit?!!! Why do we tolerate an unelected and hereditary monarch as our head of state? And why, for fuck's sake, do we not only tolerate it but perform ecstatic analingus on Her Majesty in tribute to the beauty and glory of this ancien regime? Are we serfs?

Last year, we celebrated Bill and Kate's contract for the use of each other's genitals (that's Immanuel Kant's definition, not mine, but I ask--what else is this marriage thang all about but fucking with formal state approval?), as if it was leading up to the orgasm of the millenia. And now the diamond jubilee. So once again we all become pro-imperialist monarchists joyfully applauding monocle-and-crinoline fascism and white supremacy under the disavowing guise of tea, crumpets and Little Englandism.

And it isn't just harmless fun and bloodless nostalgia. And I'm not just engaging in radical party-poopery. This isn't a cute little anachronism like outdated weights and measures or steak-and-kidney pie. No, the Queen is an evil relic of the revolution/interrupted stasis that is Great Britain and its Commonwealth spawn.

Because of the Queen and her foul brood, the UK retains an outrageously unequal class system. The monarchy is crucial to the existence of that inequality. A system where large landowners are routinely delegated state authority such as the responsibility to manage wild pigs and badgers. Indeed, where the aristocracy appears to be back in charge of the countryside in total--and the public fucking subsidizes these entitled assholes!

Meanwhile, in the city some extraparliamentary outfit called 'The City' rules a tiny geographical but huge regulatory expanse like some medieval guild.  Actually, it is partially composed of medieval guilds. And it is be based on massive financial inequality, in addition to being secretive and anti-democratic. It may even be largely responsible for the financial meltdown because of its 'liberalised' regulatory policies.

This is the hideous patchwork and reactionary constitutional system Her Royal Highness represents and maintains. What else does a monarchy do but keep back revolution (minor land reform and redistribution) and protect and preserve unearned privilege?

But that's indirect you say. Not her fault. Well, what about the 'effective veto' Chuckie has over some legislation? Makes you wonder what kinda veto Liza has...? I'm sure I could come up with more examples of royal perfidy. Like how much she actually costs Commonwealth taxpayers. Like how how many unearned perqs she and her ilk enjoy. Like the time she tried to get a subsidy meant for the poor to heat her many mansions!!! But I'm going to end up with an esoteric structural and constitutional issue that constitutional monarchy leads to...one that effectively ended up in a coup d'etat in Canada back in 2008...and one that doesn't require the Queen to be personally responsible. No, it isn't her. It's the system she helps keep going!!!

Now let's go back to that benighted time. The Great American Bank Meltdown had already happened and the Great American Recession was well underway. But in Canada, according to Prime Minister Stephen Harper, all was fine and any problems could be resolved by ending pay equity, the public sector's right to strike and public subsidy for federal political parties. But hey, seriously guys, everything is aok.

Well, the opposition parties disagreed and since it was a minority government their disagreement was a big deal. But Harper had played this game of brinkmanship manfully many a time already: 'You have no choice but to support even my worst legislation because otherwise you're responsible for an election. So I dare you. I freaking double dog dare you! Have a vote of non-confidence. See how the public likes that!!!'

Then the opposition did something unheard of. They threatened to form a coalition government!!! Oh the horrors! Harper had been outmanouevred. He hadn't expected that. So he cried foul. He cried French separatism. He cried all the way to Queenie's representative in Ottawa. Michaelle Jean. And he said that he needed to progrogue parliament and call the very election he had held over the heads of the opposition for almost a year.

For those unfamiliar with proroguing. When parliament has completed all its scheduled events ahead of schedule. It prorogues--or ends the session early. It is a technicality that is commonly used because parliament really doesn't do enough to occupy the third of the year it is in session.

What was unusual about Harper's use of proroguing was the simple fact that it was unnecessary. Unethical. Unconstitutional. Undemocratic. (Their was a Liberal-NDP coalition government with a majority of seats and a majority of the popular vote waiting to assume leadership once Harper and his Cons had lost a vote of non-confidence.) He asked Her Majesty's representative if she would kindly save his ass from being handed to him gilded on a platter by the opposition. So rather than face the fact that he was a fucking jackass, he decided to circumvent the technical rules of parliamentary procedure and shut down the normal process of government--that is, when a minority government does something so stupid that it must step aside for another government who can maintain the confidence of the House. And Michaelle Jean did as she was asked. And shut down parliament and held an unnecessary, unethical, unconstitutional and undemocratic election. All to save Harper's worthless government.

So what does that have to do with the Queen. Well, she is the head of state of our constitutional monarchy. And one of her duties is calling elections. Usually, that means nothing beyond yadda-yadda ceremonial banter. But every once in a while, it involves a constitutional crisis. And when that happens--do you really want an unelected and hereditary placeholder or the placeholder's placeholding representative to be making such a significant decision?

And it is her fault. She could abdicate. She could do the decent thing in a democratic age and fucking abdicate.

So Liza, as you reflect on your diamond jubilee please decide that it is time for you to become the normal person you are in title as well as flesh and join the rest of us by renouncing your positions and privileges and suggesting to the British PM that he do the same in perpetuity. Now that is the kinda constitutional crisis I can sink my fangs into!!!

And if she doesn't do that unlikely deed then let the rest of us end our serfdom--and get rid of her!!! Republic now!!!

Down with the queen and her fascist regime, my dark comrades!!!